Thursday, September 16, 2010

Get your critical chops around this

This is a song lyric:

"I've got six things on my mind
You're no longer one of them."

Question 1 - without Googling - name that band! And the song. No googling - I just want to know if anyone is as tragic as I am.

Question 2 - critique this little sentence - why do you think it's so effective? (Because it is, you know. Well, it works on me. Stuck in my head for many years effective.)


fairyhedgehog said...


1. No idea.
2. That's a very good question and I'm glad you asked it. How are things in the McK household these days?

writtenwyrdd said...

1. nope.
2. which sentence are we talking about?

How is it Down Under? How is the new house?

jjdebenedictis said...

1. I'm pretty sure I've never heard that line.
2. Show, don't tell. That second line speaks volumes, but only in the reader's imagination.

McKoala said...


JJdeG, thank you.

OK, here's a clue. Every word in this matters, but the ones that really make it work for me are the words 'six' and 'no longer'. Discuss.

Whirlochre said...

Reminds me of 'Selotape' by The Mighty Roars...

"Theres seven.
Seven girls in me.
And six

But — it's no help.

For the tiem being, however, I'm ruling out Sting and the Bee Gees.

McKoala said...

Correct in every way, Whirl.

Six? Why six?

Sarah Laurenson said...

No idea about the song title. I don't know if I've ever heard the words before.

As for breaking it down. My first impression was his (her?) mind is cluttered. Six things? An even half dozen. Since it was "things" I didn't automatically think people. Still don't.

"You're not one of them" Hm. Sarcastic bugger. But gets the point across effectively and includes emotional overtones.

It's like this:
Your looks could stop time.
Your face could break a clock.

Says the same thing, but it doesn't.

McKoala said...

See, that's why I like Sarah. She's brave, she's bold. No dodging the question (but I promise a eucalypt update soon!).

This is my answer to the 'six'. How many things do we have on our mind at any given time? Stop for a moment. One or two things will pop into your mind right away. Not six. Exactly like Sarah says. So, to me, this number is saying, 'even if I think about it for a while you're still not one of the things I'm thinking about'. Basically, you're pretty unimportant.

And the 'no longer' - I love that. To me that says - you were once one of these things. You did make that list. But not any more. There's a story right there.

However...having said all that. Next question.

In what way does this song resemble the Carly Simon song 'You're so Vain'?

Sarah Laurenson said...

Ah. I know that song.

I didn't google, but I did goodsearch those other lyrics. I swear I didn't know you had them booby trapped. Locked up my computer and I never did find out the real name of the song/band. What I did see was not familiar in the least.

Hm. You're So Vain is interesting in that people keep guessing who the "you" is. Still. She supposedly came out and said who recently, but then retracted it or something. It's a mystery that keeps reviving interest in the song. And it's how many years later - when so many other songs have hit that LP graveyard?

I suppose, had I been raised in a good homeland like a certain kilted marsupial, I'd have the same feeling about this other song.

McKoala said...

Heh heh, Sarah, the powers of the Koala are mighty.

My thinking was that if he's got six things on his mind and she (because we can assume it's a she) is no longer one of them, why does he then feel the need to write a song about her?

And to solve the mystery - this was by Prefab Sprout. This was an album track from Steve McQueen (which I think had to be given another name in the US thanks to Steve McQueen's estate), but you're likely to know 'When Love Breaks Down'. Loved that song!

Robin B. said...

Don't know the lyric but I like it. You're right - it packs a punch. The intended listener knows they've been replaced, and whatever was betweem them most likely included strong memories.

If this were a guy singing, and he sang this line to me, I'd love to have had the presence of mind to say, "So do those other six things know you're running around on each of them yet? And P.S. Boy-o, I'm still on your mind or you wouldn't be chirping away at me, now would ya?"

(Although I have to admit, I usually think of good stuff to say in the car later. Haven't you ever actually wanted to drive back over and recreate a moment? It never works, but it sure would be glory days if it did.)

sylvia said...

I love that line (I don't know the song) and I immediately thought of "Not In Love" although "You're So Vain" is closer to the mark. Basically what makes it for me is the obvious lie (and so as you say, I start filling in the gaps).