We have an extra day this year: Friday 29th February. I hereby declare it to be Worldwide Wallow Day. Here are the rules:
If at home: send kids to school as early as possible. Proceed to sofa. Lie on sofa. Read and watch tv while drinking tea/coffee and eating cake and chocolate. Around 1pm half of a bottle of wine should be consumed for fortifying purposes. Nap. More tea, cake and chocolate. (NB Because this day itself does not actually exist, neither do the calories). When kids return from school the television and electronic games may be turned on instantly and may remain on for the rest of the evening. Finish fortifying bottle of wine. At some point during the evening, feed kids any poor-quality frozen food you have on the premises. No actual cooking is permitted. Open second fortifying bottle of wine. Resume sofa position. Persuade husband, grandma or pet to wash and tuck up kids. Send husband, grandma or pet out for takeaway and romantic comedy on DVD. More fortifying bottles of wine may be opened if required. On no account move from the sofa until bedtime, other than for hygiene purposes. This is Severe Breakage of Wallow Pact, punishable by disdain of more wallowful friends.
If at work: follow above plan up until 'proceed to sofa'. Proceed to work, purchasing favourite breakfast en route. Turn on computer. Browse your favourite websites and find new favourites. Do no work other than work you enjoy. Leave everything else until Monday. I mean it. Nothing is more urgent than your wallow. Include extended coffee break with cake and chocolates, see calorie note above. Leave early for lunch, which you will take sitting down in a restaurant. Lunch at your desk is Severe Breakage of Wallow Pact. You may take a friend to lunch. Feel free to open more than one fortifying bottle of wine. Return to work. Afternoon to proceed as morning. Leave office early. Upon return home immediately turn on all electronic distraction devices for children, and then follow instructions above starting from: "At some point..."
Computer access is permitted from time to time in order to compare Quality of Wallow notes.
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