November's up!

And I hereby declare that I will be smacking myself down in December. That always seems to happen after a big edit!

Annual round up and awards coming up! My favourite time of the year! Who's been naughty and who's been nice? AKA, who's slacked off the most and who's stuck faithfully to the keyboard all year? Who wins best excuse this year? And what 'special and yet incredibly appropriate award' will I come up with for everybody else? Oh, it's such fun! And mostly polite.

Furry, I mean, Merry Christmas!

Be sure to have a great time and check in here between Christmas and New Year for the annual round up!

Last reminder...

Get those November stats in! Hurry, hurry! December lies ahead with all the fun of the annual round up!

Naughty November

Look out for our end-of-year awards, coming soon! But in the meantime...were you naughty in November? Or did Nanowrimo save you from the Claws of Doom?

So, in November, have you...

Submitted a short story, poem or other short fiction submission to a competition or magazine (one point for each submission)?

Submitted an article (one point per article, no matter how many mags the article is submitted to)?

Written and/or edited at least 4000 words (one point)?

Written more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 2000 words of original writing (not editing)?

Edited more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 5000 words of editing) ?

Outlined/plotted 4000 words or more (one point for each 4000)?

Beta-read read a fellow writer's novel and provided feedback (one point)?

Completed and published a new author website (one point)?

Written your query? (one point)

Written your synopsis? (one point)

Submitted a novel to an agent or editor? (Straight up to Koala Approves!)

(Anyone who's on Koala Approves while waiting for an agent response, remember that you must keep writing/editing/submitting short stories in the next month. Anyone sitting on their laurels drops down a stage. However, if an agent asks you to make changes to a novel, you get to stay on Koala Approves for the duration of your editing and negotiations, provided you get those changes to him/her in time and remember your manners. Ask for an extension or moan about your potential agent and you drop down a stage.)

A reminder... Points cannot be held over for a following month. The Koala wants consistent effort. The Koala is always right.

In 2008 I was a better blogger...

...even when I'd just come out of hospital it was only a day or two between blogs.

"Still not quite firing on all cylinders here. Thinking about doing lots of things. Not actually doing any of them.

Grandma still in hospital with massive headache. Nobody knows how many stitches she has, because the consultant says he lost count half way. Hoping she'll get out later this week.

Mostly I'm reading. I have many intelligent things to say about my reading. Not actually saying any of them.

I'm popping up randomly here and there on the blogosphere, but this is not the time to look out for me. I think Paca's Teddies will lynch me for a woeful performance in the quiz this month.

Well, if I've been up for two hours, it must be time to go back to bed now..."

If I could turn back time...

...why yes, I can!

Pacatrue, the world's best Professor Alpaca, suggested we look back to 2008. We'll be spending some time over at Evil Editor and putting up some 2008-related posts - I'll put up a list of who's participating later. In the meantime, back in 2008, it turns out that I'd just come out of hospital after a minor operation - and family disasters, rather than writing were on my mind... Anybody remember this? Posted November 14, 2008:

"Here, but owie. Post surgery not quite as awful as I had thought, but a bit tired and sore now and mostly located in bed/on sofa. Got home from hospital yesterday; within a few hours mother-in-law had a fall and is now occupying my vacancy in the hospital. As my nephew put it, 'as soon as one comes out, another one goes in'. She's had many stitches in her head, but apparently no concussion and should get out later today. Her accident happened at the kids school where, bless them, an off duty ambulance officer and nurse (both parents) were on the scene. They worked hard, but they couldn't stop the bleeding that has traumatised half of the infants department; we're still getting calls from parents of freaked-out kids who want to ensure that Soccer Boy's Grandma didn't bleed to death. No, and she is issuing orders from her hospital bed about where her cane should be positioned, who to call and where her car should be parked etc., so we're hoping for a quick recovery.

It never rains but it...you know the one."

Also turning back time...

Pacatrue on http://pacatrue.blogspot.com/2010/11/2008-redo.html
Robin on http://theirishhill.blogspot.com/2010/11/retrospective-its-2008-again.html
Fairyhedgehog on http://fairyhedgehog.blogspot.com/2010/11/remembrance-of-times-past.html
The One True Paca (Prof.) (again) on http://pacatrue.blogspot.com/2010/11/my-ee-dedication.html
Whirl on http://abysswinksback.blogspot.com/2010/11/resurgoriffic.html

I'll add more as I find them. And keep your eyes on EE for some more old timer activity.

October stats

Is it just me or are there fewer and fewer people who I approve of each month?

Maybe Nano will bring some of you back up again!

And...

Merry
PJD
Travis
Cat of Arc
Laurel
Janey

Haven't heard from you! For a while, in some cases...

In other news, this blog, and a few others, will be returning to 2008 this week. So look out for some old, but juicy, posts!

Any more October stats????

Hoping to update tomorrow, any more statistics/confessions?

Awesome October

For you? Will you be trick or treating tonight, or sweating over your keyboard, trying to save yourself from The Razor Sharp Claws of The Koala? Eat your heart out Freddie - The Koala's here...

Or just for me? Six points for editing/rewriting over 32,000 words, plus a point for a short story submission (accepted too!), plus another for a thirty-word story (see below), has The Koala feeling slightly smug this month.

So, in October, have you...

Submitted a short story, poem or other short fiction submission to a competition or magazine (one point for each submission)?

Submitted an article (one point per article, no matter how many mags the article is submitted to)?

Written and/or edited at least 4000 words (one point)?

Written more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 2000 words of original writing (not editing)?

Edited more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 5000 words of editing) ?

Outlined/plotted 4000 words or more (one point for each 4000)?

Beta-read read a fellow writer's novel and provided feedback (one point)?

Completed and published a new author website (one point)?

Written your query? (one point)

Written your synopsis? (one point)

Submitted a novel to an agent or editor? (Straight up to Koala Approves!)

(Anyone who's on Koala Approves while waiting for an agent response, remember that you must keep writing/editing/submitting short stories in the next month. Anyone sitting on their laurels drops down a stage. However, if an agent asks you to make changes to a novel, you get to stay on Koala Approves for the duration of your editing and negotiations, provided you get those changes to him/her in time and remember your manners. Ask for an extension or moan about your potential agent and you drop down a stage.)

A reminder... Points cannot be held over for a following month. The Koala wants consistent effort. The Koala is always right.

Bonus points!

This month, The Koala is awarding bonus points for thirty-word stories. Yes, a mere thirty words! Only one point is available for this - but only one point saves you from a shredding!

Allow The Koala to commence the proceedings...

When we married, my husband promised me a gold bangle for every year I remained faithful. Forty years later, his brother helped me bury him. Thirty-nine bangles jangled on my arm.

September results up!

And I see a shocking lack of names under 'Approved'. The year is not yet over, my honeys. My claws are still sharp... yes, yes, I know I've had to smack myself down this month...but that aside. I think you'll see a big, big jump in my numbers for October. Oh yes. It's all action in the eucalypt.

The Koala lays down the claw-gauntlet. The goal is to get as many of us on Approved for October as possible. Who's with me? C'mon chummies, let's write!

Motheree, Merryree and Aniketteeee

...report in! Last chance!

September Statistics!

Is the steam hissing from the end of your pen? Are there blisters on the ends of your poor little fingers? Are the moths the only things left in your wallet after you've spent all your pennies on query stampage? Then the Koala is proud!

So, in September, have you...

Submitted a short story, poem or other short fiction submission to a competition or magazine (one point for each submission)?

Submitted an article (one point per article, no matter how many mags the article is submitted to)?

Written and/or edited at least 4000 words (one point)?

Written more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 2000 words of original writing (not editing)?

Edited more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 5000 words of editing) ?

Outlined/plotted 4000 words or more (one point for each 4000)?

Beta-read read a fellow writer's novel and provided feedback (one point)?

Completed and published a new author website (one point)?

Written your query? (one point)

Written your synopsis? (one point)

Submitted a novel to an agent or editor? (Straight up to Koala Approves!)

(Anyone who's on Koala Approves while waiting for an agent response, remember that you must keep writing/editing/submitting short stories in the next month. Anyone sitting on their laurels drops down a stage. However, if an agent asks you to make changes to a novel, you get to stay on Koala Approves for the duration of your editing and negotiations, provided you get those changes to him/her in time and remember your manners. Ask for an extension or moan about your potential agent and you drop down a stage.)

A reminder... Points cannot be held over for a following month. The Koala wants consistent effort. The Koala is always right.

Start scrambling!

The end of the month is nigh! Get those last wise words slapped down on paper; send those last queries wafting out on the breeze of hope... the Koala Countdown is imminent!

As requested...update from The Eucalypt!

The sun is shining, the weather is warming up...what's that you say? Autumn? Winter? Pah, I spit gumnuts on your seasonal misery! Spring is sprung and the weeds are riz, I know where the birdies iz. Third level of The Eucalypt, fourth branch, right at the end, in their nest.

The little Koalas will shortly start a two-week break from school. They hopped in the pool last weekend, but came out as if on springs, because the water was freezing. Yes, we taped it. Heh heh. Soccer Boy has started summer soccer and will also play Oztag; Princess is happy with gymnastics. She's finally cracked the cartwheel. Mr Koala slaves away daily in his place of slavery, then comes home and grumbles; I slave daily in my place of slavery, then come home and write stuff :-).

The Eucalypt is flourishing, but we are looking forward to a visit from Mr Electrician, who may finally be able to tell us which light connects to which switch and cease the random turning on and off that goes on every night.

This isn't a very exciting update is it? Well, you did ask. I promise you a more thrilling one in the future. In the meantime, I must go and hunt down a hairy haggis, for I have promised to introduce some of the local koalas into the wondrous world of Scotland's finer foods this Saturday...

Get your critical chops around this

This is a song lyric:

"I've got six things on my mind
You're no longer one of them."

Question 1 - without Googling - name that band! And the song. No googling - I just want to know if anyone is as tragic as I am.

Question 2 - critique this little sentence - why do you think it's so effective? (Because it is, you know. Well, it works on me. Stuck in my head for many years effective.)

August stats up!

Travis, PJD, Aerin and Janey - any stats for me? Or it's straight to Smackdown my luvvies.

Whirly winner (and report in below!)

Whirl forgot to let us know that he won Best Use of Prompt at Written's contest! See winners' announcement. Congrats to Whirl, and if you don't read anything else today, at least read his entry. It will cure you of any misery.

Meanwhile, report in, or you will need to read Whirl's entry many, many, many times...

Start totting up your August points...

You still have a few days to save yourselves! Then come here and let me know if in August you have...

Submitted a short story, poem or other short fiction submission to a competition or magazine (one point for each submission)?

Submitted an article (one point per article, no matter how many mags the article is submitted to)?

Written and/or edited at least 4000 words (one point)?

Written more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 2000 words of original writing (not editing)?

Edited more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 5000 words of editing) ?

Outlined/plotted 4000 words or more (one point for each 4000)?

Beta-read read a fellow writer's novel and provided feedback (one point)?

Completed and published a new author website (one point)?

Written your query? (one point)

Written your synopsis? (one point)

Submitted a novel to an agent or editor? (Straight up to Koala Approves!)

(Anyone who's on Koala Approves while waiting for an agent response, remember that you must keep writing/editing/submitting short stories in the next month. Anyone sitting on their laurels drops down a stage. However, if an agent asks you to make changes to a novel, you get to stay on Koala Approves for the duration of your editing and negotiations, provided you get those changes to him/her in time and remember your manners. Ask for an extension or moan about your potential agent and you drop down a stage.)

A reminder... Points cannot be held over for a following month. The Koala wants consistent effort. The Koala is always right.

Off you go and vote!

While I ended up missing Written's contest, some of my more diligent (or concerned) victims have earned their point. Pay the contest a little visit here to read or vote!

Bonus point competition now open!

Drift by Writtenwyrdd's place to see the prompt. Deadline is 22 August, so get thinking!

Even teddy bears will hate you

That title will mean something to some of you! Just taking a moment to say a fond farewell to the quiz that I've been doing almost every day for the past two? three? years.

A thank you to Paca, who organised the quiz and kept on organising the quiz, despite only winning, um, was it once? in all that time. A thank you to Blogless and Sarah for being so smart and winning so often. And an even bigger thank you to all those who let me win sometimes!

Memories... The literature section, with every ten questions including at least one about Stephen King's The Dark Tower series, which none of us had ever read. The questions that all of us disagreed with (ever heard of a 'shot' of coffee, anyone, because I have!). The dodgy Scottish ones. The dodgy Aussie ones.

Ah, good times.

Bonus points from August!

Sarah's pointed me in the direction of a competition that I should have already known about, serves me right for being such a blogging slacker. Anyway, our worthy Written has just the thing lined up for us - a flash contest, entries due by 28 August.

Flash fiction is a great writing exercise. The intensity of holding together a complete story in just a few words, with theme, character, plot and progress, plus adding in description and hopefully some imagery, not to mention character development, is a novel in miniature.

Take a look at this introductory post - and I'll post an update when full entry details are available -

http://writtenwyrdd.typepad.com/writtenwyrdd/2010/08/a-moment-of-greed-and-a-contest-prep-plea.html#comment-6a00e54ef251c588330133f2f17e1d970b

As per Clarity of Night, one point for submitting - no points for writing and not submitting!

Results up - and a new bonus?

Chris, mdames60, any word from you two? Chris, can't remember what you've been up to this month, go on and remind me. Mdame, I've already sent the Goblin your way, want another visit?!

OK, I like the bonus point system, particularly as it saved my furry butt last week. No, really, I like it because it pushes us to write and submit something we may not otherwise have written. And it saved my furry butt. Which may need saving again. No, really, it's all about the writing.

Anyway, I haven't stumbled across anything for this month yet. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Report in for July!

Yanno, chaps and chapesses, I'm flipping glad that I allowed one point for entry to Clarity of Night, because this month, I have...one point.

How about the rest of you? In July have you...

Submitted a short story, poem or other short fiction submission to a competition or magazine (one point for each submission)?

Submitted an article (one point per article, no matter how many mags the article is submitted to)?

Written and/or edited at least 4000 words (one point)?

Written more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 2000 words of original writing (not editing)?

Edited more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 5000 words of editing) ?

Outlined/plotted 4000 words or more (one point for each 4000)?

Beta-read read a fellow writer's novel and provided feedback (one point)?

Completed and published a new author website (one point)?

Written your query? (one point)

Written your synopsis? (one point)

Submitted a novel to an agent or editor? (Straight up to Koala Approves!)

(Anyone who's on Koala Approves while waiting for an agent response, remember that you must keep writing/editing/submitting short stories in the next month. Anyone sitting on their laurels drops down a stage. However, if an agent asks you to make changes to a novel, you get to stay on Koala Approves for the duration of your editing and negotiations, provided you get those changes to him/her in time and remember your manners. Ask for an extension or moan about your potential agent and you drop down a stage.)

A reminder... Points cannot be held over for a following month. The Koala wants consistent effort. The Koala is always right.

The McKoala Month

The end is coming... I'll be putting up the reporting post in a few days, so I hope you're ready... *checks back through own memory* ooops

Remember, one point for entering Clarity of Night! Don't care whether or not you made the 40s club, just that you made the effort!

Claritisers

I passed the first test and I'm #43 under The Other Name. If you're also through, please let us know here so that my other victims can go and read if they wish.

You qualify for the point whether or not you made the cut. The Koala is proud of anyone who submits, because she knows how hairy scary that can be!

The competition is here.

June is up!

But I think you all knew your status anyway. A bonus point for this month can be achieved by entering this little competition: http://clarityofnight.blogspot.com/2010/07/uncovered-short-fiction-contest-is.html. You'll find many familiar faces there.

Rules reminder: a novel submission always takes you up on to approves. This is the Year of the Submission! A mere twelve submissions this year will keep you in the Koala's good books. How easy is that?

Ahoy! Slackers!

Who hasn't reported in? Hurry up or you go straight on smackdown!!!

June reporting!

Success or shame? In June have you...

Submitted a short story, poem or other short fiction submission to a competition or magazine (one point for each submission)?

Submitted an article (one point per article, no matter how many mags the article is submitted to)?

Written and/or edited at least 4000 words (one point)?

Written more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 2000 words of original writing (not editing)?

Edited more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 5000 words of editing) ?

Outlined/plotted 4000 words or more (one point for each 4000)?

Beta-read read a fellow writer's novel and provided feedback (one point)?

Completed and published a new author website (one point)?

Written your query? (one point)

Written your synopsis? (one point)

Submitted a novel to an agent or editor? (Straight up to Koala Approves!)

(Anyone who's on Koala Approves while waiting for an agent response, remember that you must keep writing/editing/submitting short stories in the next month. Anyone sitting on their laurels drops down a stage. However, if an agent asks you to make changes to a novel, you get to stay on Koala Approves for the duration of your editing and negotiations, provided you get those changes to him/her in time and remember your manners. Ask for an extension or moan about your potential agent and you drop down a stage.)

A reminder... Points cannot be held over for a following month. The Koala wants consistent effort. The Koala is always right.

With the Submission of the Great Dissertation (making Paca into Doctor Paca) and the Commencement of the Great Blog (making Phoenix into Evil Editor Birdie), there are no more Special Furry or Bird Rules.

***Bonus! If you took part in Paca's voice challenge, give yourself a point!!!***

May scores up!

Thought it might be nice. What with July coming and all.

A disgraceful number of us were on a break. We should be ashamed. Congratulations to all who resisted the lure of Slackeriness.

Way back at the start of the month Merry issued a challenge to herself - that she must submit this month or go to instant smackdown, no matter how many words she's written. Just a reminder for you there, Merry... Oh, yes, and while the urge to write is wriggling up from my little toe, it hasn't quite made it all the way to anywhere useful yet. Still, it's going in the right direction. Hm, might take a lightning-quick novel submission to save me this month *peruses little agent shortlist*.

Actually, though, when I see Robin's catalogue of Stuff From The Koala's Life, I'm suddenly not surprised that last month, and most of this, turned out to be unexpected write-off. And she didn't even mention everything that my furry paws have been juggling. Now I'm wondering how I'm fitting in breathing.

Nonetheless. Normal service will be resumed. Soon.

yes, yes, I'm a slacker

phew, tg I've got that whole savage beast challenge things to make sure I at least send off a submission before the end of the month. Also feeling slight twinges of creativity in my little toe, so I'm guessing they'll work their way upwards and reach my brain eventually and I'll be writing up a storm. I hope. Maybe even visiting some blogs too *slinks off guiltily*.

Listen to the Koala's Dulcet Tones

Yes, it's voice post time again. We haven't done this for a while, but our Great Robin kicked off a little voice recording project a couple of years ago and Dr Paca has revived it. My little piece is below this message, more will be going up throughout Friday - I'll post some links later. Got the link now - thanks to the lovely Sylvia all the links can be found in one place - right here. I'll be listening to them all tomorrow.

Sit back and relax and listen to... Middle Class Mums (it's very short, I promise - 51 seconds to be exact - not a full story, just an excerpt).

Powered by Podbean.com

Hellooooo the end of May!

See bold para at the end of this post for an easy point for June! ('easy' is a relative term...)

Only a day or so to go, so in May have you...

Submitted a short story, poem or other short fiction submission to a competition or magazine (one point for each submission)?

Submitted an article (one point per article, no matter how many mags the article is submitted to)?

Written and/or edited at least 4000 words (one point)?

Written more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 2000 words of original writing (not editing)?

Edited more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 5000 words of editing) ?

Outlined/plotted 4000 words or more (one point for each 4000)?

Beta-read read a fellow writer's novel and provided feedback (one point)?

Completed and published a new author website (one point)?

Written your query? (one point)

Written your synopsis? (one point)

Submitted a novel to an agent or editor? (Straight up to Koala Approves!)

(Anyone who's on Koala Approves while waiting for an agent response, remember that you must keep writing/editing/submitting short stories in the next month. Anyone sitting on their laurels drops down a stage. However, if an agent asks you to make changes to a novel, you get to stay on Koala Approves for the duration of your editing and negotiations, provided you get those changes to him/her in time and remember your manners. Ask for an extension or moan about your potential agent and you drop down a stage.)

A reminder... Points cannot be held over for a following month. The Koala wants consistent effort. The Koala is always right.

With the Submission of the Great Dissertation (making Paca into Doctor Paca) and the Commencement of the Great Blog (making Phoenix into Evil Editor Birdie), there are no more Special Furry or Bird Rules.

However...there will be a point for everybody who participates in Paca's Voice Fest. Some of us have done this before and the results vary from passionate and articulate to, um, the rest of us. Click here for more info and follow the Paca Posts for the final decision as to what we will be reading.

Where do you write?

While preparing yourself for the end of month reporting (coming soon!), hie thee to thy writing spot and tell us a little something about it.

Where do you sit? What do the surroundings look like? What can you hear? What can you smell? And what do you need to kick off your best writing?

April scores finally up!

The Koala is back downunder, nestled in the branches of the eucalypt. Those silver birches are all very fine, but they do poke one in the back so dreadfully. And the leaves - not quite so tasty as those from the beloved eucalypt.

Apologies for the delay, *koffs out some more ash*, but let the shredding begin!

Not a bad month overall, most of you are keeping your little noses to the grindstone. Kudos to Aniket for hanging on to his three points and to Paca for, under Special Furry Rules, submitting his dissertation and heading straight to the top for the first and possibly the only time (dissertation being all done now). By the way, his dissertation was of such fine calibre that we must now refer to him as Dr Paca and genuflect in his presence. Except for me of course. (Did I eve tell you about my doctorate in Eucalypt Studies from the University of Marsupials? Ah, well, that's a story for another time...)

OK, so... who didn't report in? Chris, but I happen to know she's been submitting, so she is safe again (grr)*. Nothing from Catvibe and mdames60, and no second chances this month (in that I gave you one already, so get those Smackdown badges up on your blogs right now, young ladies).

As for Janey, her butt is so shredded there is nothing more for the Koala to sink her claws into, so I've despatched the Goblin with her toenail pliers. You will hear the shrieks, wherever you are.

Enough fun, back to your desks everybody.

*she sent a missive by private bat mail, it's very efficient, but that fruit bat poop doesn't half make a mess of my nice leaves.

This is not me!

While googling myself, as one does, I found a host of McKoala impostors. Shock! Horror!

This is not me.

This is also not me.

Nor is this (scroll down to second bottom entry). Or this.

And if you are of a strong constitution, check this one out. But it wasn't me. (Either behind or in front of the camera).

It's perturbing actually. I have been McKoala for a very long time and I'm not too enchanted by the prospect of sharing my identity. Some people might mistake the less tasteful utterings of the other McKoala's for mine.

I can't really take my wrath out on them, perfect strangers that they are. However, I do have a handy whipping wench right here. Step forward O'Koala, if you dare...

There will be a slight delay...

...because, The Koala, while on her travels, has left her computer cable in another destination. I will squeeze what life I can out of the battery, but will wait until I'm fully charged to put up the April stats. Look out for them at the start of next week.

Use the time as you wish. Save yourself, if necessary, and post new stats below. But then, remember, you will have a very short May...

Benevolent, me, oh yes.

My, my, looks like April is nearly over already...

*says the Koala smugly, stroking her little list of submissions, plus the planning notes she has been making for a new yarn*

So, in April, have you...

Submitted a short story, poem or other short fiction submission to a competition or magazine (one point for each submission)?

Submitted an article (one point per article, no matter how many mags the article is submitted to)?

Written and/or edited at least 4000 words (one point)?

Written more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 2000 words of original writing (not editing)?

Edited more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 5000 words of editing) ?

Outlined/plotted 4000 words or more (one point for each 4000)?

Beta-read read a fellow writer's novel and provided feedback (one point)?

Completed and published a new author website (one point)?

Written your query? (one point)

Written your synopsis? (one point)

Submitted a novel to an agent or editor? (Straight up to Koala Approves!)

(Anyone who's on Koala Approves while waiting for an agent response, remember that you must keep writing/editing/submitting short stories in the next month. Anyone sitting on their laurels drops down a stage. However, if an agent asks you to make changes to a novel, you get to stay on Koala Approves for the duration of your editing and negotiations, provided you get those changes to him/her in time and remember your manners. Ask for an extension or moan about your potential agent and you drop down a stage.)

A reminder... Points cannot be held over for a following month. The Koala wants consistent effort. The Koala is always right.

Special Furry Rules: Paca - adapt to suit Furry Dissertation and article submissions. In your case, job applications also apply. Over-adapt and I will claw you. And take away points.

Special Bird Rules: If Phoenix ever feels sufficiently inspired to actually start a blog and even manages a few posts, there might be a point in that.. *Score Phoenix!*

*koff koff* *sticks head out of ash cloud for a moment*

To say: Happy Anniversary EE! Four glorious years! Never has time flown so fast or so entertainingly.

I won't even attempt to be funny, because as we all know, you are the only real funny one around here.

Here's to four more years! And more!

*Dear Readers, if you have no idea what I'm talking about, go eat a tube of wasabi as penance, and then go here for the party. And here for the real thing.

Long Distance Slashing

The Koala is now a victim of the Great Cloud of Ash, finding herself stranded up a pine tree in Ancestral Koala McLand, without a flying fox in sight for her return journey. Pine needles are all very fine for a holiday, but she will soon be longing for a nibble of sweet eucalypt.

Guess what this means for you? Yes, she will be even stroppier by the end of the month. Write fast and write well. Snarl.

In which I officially smack down...

Laurel!




Have fun down there with Janey and Mdame... Warning - two months on this status with no improvement and you go to super smackdown and I send round my pet goblin with her toenail pulling device.

How to humiliate your mother in public

A special technique, as used by Soccer Boy. A grumpy, sore-footed, tired Soccer Boy who had been dragged around the local shops for longer than five minutes.

I bumped into an old friend I hadn't seen for years in a crowded bookshop. We had a lovely chat while Soccer Boy grew increasingly twitchy by my side. I thought it was boredom, but, actually he was planning his revenge. He waited until my friend had left, and then asked loudly: 'Where did you meet her, mum? Was it while you were IN JAIL?'

We went home. Which was exactly what he wanted.

ps The Koala has never been, nor does she ever plan to be, in jail.

March scores up!

Still waiting for Chris and Laurel; and the-already-disgraced Janey V and mdames60.

Impressive work from the rest of you. Particular mention to Angie for her blinding 16 points, despite no agent submission - just pure hard graft through writing and editing. The Koala sends you a special Eucalypt Treat.

And, of course, Aniket...three whole points! Whoop de doop! Take a look at his comment in the previous trail and visit his blog for new inspirations.

In which The Koala recovers...report in!

*staggers over to the claw sharpener...swigs from the Acid Breath bottle...flexes fangs*

So, in March, have you...

Submitted a short story, poem or other short fiction submission to a competition or magazine (one point for each submission)?

Submitted an article (one point per article, no matter how many mags the article is submitted to)?

Written and/or edited at least 4000 words (one point)?

Written more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 2000 words of original writing (not editing)?

Edited more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 5000 words of editing) ?

Outlined/plotted 4000 words or more (one point for each 4000)?

Beta-read read a fellow writer's novel and provided feedback (one point)?

Completed and published a new author website (one point)?

Written your query? (one point)

Written your synopsis? (one point)

Submitted a novel to an agent or editor? (Straight up to Koala Approves!)

(Anyone who's on Koala Approves while waiting for an agent response, remember that you must keep writing/editing/submitting short stories in the next month. Anyone sitting on their laurels drops down a stage. However, if an agent asks you to make changes to a novel, you get to stay on Koala Approves for the duration of your editing and negotiations, provided you get those changes to him/her in time and remember your manners. Ask for an extension or moan about your potential agent and you drop down a stage.)

A reminder... Points cannot be held over for a following month. The Koala wants consistent effort. The Koala is always right.

Special Furry Rules: Paca - adapt to suit Furry Dissertation and article submissions. In your case, job applications also apply. Over-adapt and I will claw you. And take away points.

Special Bird Rules: If Phoenix ever feels sufficiently inspired to actually start a blog and even manages a few posts, there might be a point in that..

Why the koala is quiet

First Soccer Boy was sick. Then Princess was sick. Now The Koala is sick.

This makes her even grumpier. So with the end of the month coming up...I'd get writing and submitting if I were you...

Behind the scenes of submission

I actually hate the submission process. At the start it's all so bright, shiny and exciting, sending your baby out into the world. Then the knockbacks start...the waiting for partials to be read...the waiting, the waiting, the waiting. I go off the whole process pretty fast.

Then I have to figure out what to do while I'm doing it. Or waiting, because there's not much doing going on after the sending. I'm spending most of my time trying to decide what to do next. Revise my old beloved, 'Maureen', who I think I half-revised and then abandoned for some reason, but, hey, I still love her and I know somebody out there will love it too... (Hey, who wouldn't love a violent novel in Scottish dialect, complete with soccer and family tragedy?) Or should I leap into my next Big One - the village ghosts threatened by the building of a new dam? I mean, who can resist characters with names like 'The Mad Mother', 'The Drowned Girl in the Bath' and 'The Returning Soldier'. Or I could just write some short stories.

Or I could just spend so much time thinking about it that I do absolutely nothing.

Submitting is bad for my mojo. But nobody ever got into print by not submitting, right? Soooo...off we go again.

Not one but three smackdowns...

Janey, Diane J, mdames60. No more Ms Nice Koala. Collect your badges of shame for the month of February.

The Koala is disappointed in you. Apply to her in writing if you would like to know how to escape from the Claws of Doom in the next month or so. There will be a way. But it may be unpleasant...

KOALA SMACKDOWN

The Koala is moderately happy

Look at all those names at or near the top of the list. I am somewhat impressed by your diligence. Keep up the good work! As for the rest of you...you know who you are...

And...
Diane J
Phoenix
Janey
mdames60

You have 24 hours to report in...or it's straight to smackdown for you...

Report in!

Yes, the end of the month is nigh and it's time to start totting up your points for February. In the comments, please let me know what you've been up to. You may tot up your own points (please do, maths is not The Koala's strong point), but I will be checking up randomly, so no porkies!

So, in February, have you...

Submitted a short story, poem or other short fiction submission to a competition or magazine (one point for each submission)?

Submitted an article (one point per article, no matter how many mags the article is submitted to)?

Written and/or edited at least 4000 words (one point)?

Written more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 2000 words of original writing (not editing)?

Edited more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 5000 words of editing) ?

Outlined/plotted 4000 words or more (one point for each 4000)?

Beta-read read a fellow writer's novel and provided feedback (one point)?

Completed and published a new author website (one point)?

Written your query? (one point)

Written your synopsis? (one point)

Submitted a novel to an agent or editor? (Straight up to Koala Approves!)

(Anyone who's on Koala Approves while waiting for an agent response, remember that you must keep writing/editing/submitting short stories in the next month. Anyone sitting on their laurels drops down a stage. However, if an agent asks you to make changes to a novel, you get to stay on Koala Approves for the duration of your editing and negotiations, provided you get those changes to him/her in time and remember your manners. Ask for an extension or moan about your potential agent and you drop down a stage.)

A reminder... Points cannot be held over for a following month. The Koala wants consistent effort. The Koala is always right.

Special Furry Rules: Paca - adapt to suit Furry Dissertation and article submissions. In your case, job applications also apply. Over-adapt and I will claw you. And take away points.

Special Bird Rules: If Phoenix ever feels sufficiently inspired to actually start a blog and even manages a few posts, there might be a point in that...

Back to blogging nonsense

I'm hearing good things about your progress this month. Who will join me at the top? Wait and see...

Now that we're up and running I may sometimes even talk about other things. Like a little parental bragging. Soccer Boy had his swimming carnival today and came third in breaststroke, fourth in backstroke and narrowly missed the freestyle final. Aw, bless. He also tore up the field at the soccer trials, just waiting to hear which team he gets into, fingers crossed for As or Bs. At school, he's in a composite class this year, with only four of his friends and a much larger younger group. Not ideal, however on the plus side he is enjoying the unexpected pleasure of coming top of the class, which is a whole new experience for him. And to be fair, I suppose he is also ahead of the other four. Go Soccer Boy!

Princess is thriving with a class of new, loyal subjects who think that she's super cool because she's already done Year 1. Luckily for her, they're young enough not to realise that repeating a year is, um, not necessarily a good thing. She's happily leading them in The Way of the Princess. Yesterday she was throwing sticks at poor, long-suffering Soccer Boy while he was trying to eat lunch. Greatly assisted by a posse of her little subjects who thought this was so cool they were running around and picking up sticks for her, so she could stand and fire them at Soccer Boy, machine gun style. It's clearly just a matter of time before Princess and her Mummy will be spending some quality time in the Principal's office.

Happy days!

Only one of you has the right idea...

And that would be Mother (Re)produces for the wonderful suggestion of a 'perma-smack' button for Catvibe: "I'm thinking dangling in a net just over McKoala, so she can give her a whack between leaf munches". What a beautiful vision. I don't need a button. I can just dream about it.

The rest of you, fie upon your foregiveness and general niceness! What nonsense! The challenge is about endurance! Pain! Claws!

By a huge majority, Janey is saved. I'll even give her the five points she didn't report. (But don't try that again Missy!). Catvibe and Diane J are...sssss...ssssss...ssssss...OK...because it's the first month....one point each.

Fail to report in next month, though, and you will be.....SMACKED DOWN!

Time to vote!

See pleas/excuses/apologies below. Who deserves to be spared? Vote in the comments below! You have until Monday night, US time.

(Apparently The Koala is ahead of the trend, as ever, having last year created her early version of this year's fad...the accountability group...check this out: http://www.calliopecontent.com/the-creative-entrepreneur/2010-01/accountability-groups. Then GET WRITING AND SUBMITTING!)

Smacked down so soon!

Bow your heads in shame, Catvibe, Diane J and Janey.

And we're about to have some fun. Luckily for one of the three above, The Koala has just received a last-minute sign up to the Challenge, who assures me she is already replete with points. I await confirmation, but she has made The Koala happy.

Therefore, to celebrate, I will show mercy on one of the above. And we get to decide who it is. All three must write an apology to The Koala, explaining why they were unable to fulfil their writing obligations in January. We will then vote and decide which one of the three is most deserving of mercy. That person will join the brave-for-at-least-admitting-her-points Iasa on one point. The other two...smackdown. No apology...smackdown. Deadline for apologies: Friday night, US time.

PS - I have ways of reaching Catvibe and Janey V, heh heh, but if anyone knows Diane J, please could you point her this way...thank you!

One, two, three...go!

Major dramas today!

Too tedious to relate, but should have the time to put up the Koala Stats tomorrow.

Anyone who hasn't reported in by the time I change the sidebar...you're on instant smackdown! Did I mention that smackdown comes with penalties? Ooops, just a little slip of memory...

Report in!

I know, I know, it's not quite the end of the month yet, but this will give you a little time to contemplate. Your navel, if necessary, but I'd rather you were totting up your points. Also this allows time for any questions and clarifications.

So, in the comments, please let me know what you've been up to. You may tot up your own points (please do, maths is not The Koala's strong point), but I will be checking up randomly, so no porkies!

So, in January, have you...

Submitted a short story, poem or other short fiction submission to a competition or magazine (one point for each submission)?

Submitted an article (one point per article, no matter how many mags the article is submitted to)?

Written and/or edited at least 4000 words (one point)?

Written more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 2000 words of original writing (not editing)?

Edited more than the basic 4000 words (one additional point for each 5000 words of editing) ?

Outlined/plotted 4000 words or more (one point for each 4000)?

Beta-read read a fellow writer's novel and provided feedback (one point)?

Completed and published a new author website (one point)?

New! Written your query? (one point)

New! Written your synopsis? (one point)

Submitted a novel to an agent or editor? (Straight up to Koala Approves)

(Anyone who's on Koala Approves while waiting for an agent response, remember that you must keep writing/editing/submitting short stories in the next month. Anyone sitting on their laurels drops down a stage. However, if an agent asks you to make changes to a novel, you get to stay on Koala Approves for the duration of your editing and negotiations, provided you get those changes to him/her in time and remember your manners. Ask for an extension or moan about your potential agent and you drop down a stage.)

A reminder... Points cannot be held over for a following month. The Koala wants consistent effort. The Koala is always right.

Special Furry Rules: Paca - adapt to suit Furry Dissertation and article submissions. Over-adapt and I will claw you. And take away points.

Special Bird Rules: If Phoenix ever feels sufficiently inspired to actually start a blog and even manages a few posts, there might be a point in that...

Revving up...

I've added all the participants' names with links to their blogs (apart from the blogless two) - drop by and offer support/teasing/threats, as appropriate.

The Koala is busy with submission prep for her manuscript and Bak to Skool dramas for the little koalas. She greatly fears she may not actually be sending anything out this week. Which means...yes..the shocking may come to pass...The Koala will be unable to approve of herself. And in the very first month too. *rushes back to draft query and starts editing* Nope, still not there. *mumble*.

In fact, I wonder how many points I've got... 4000 words, check. Edited more, check. Entry to Jason's, check. New website, check. Beta read, check. What else can I drum up by the end of the week, I wonder... Might be time to flick out a few short stories back out into the Big Bad World.

Well, nobody promised it was going to be easy...

That girl, she did alright...

The Koala fur fluffeth up with joy - under her alterative id she won Readers' Choice over at Clarity of Night. She may treat herself to an extra leaf or two from the eucalypt tonight.

Aniket and Chris also won awards - check their stories out too! We have previous winners in our midst as well, in PJD and Janey V, plus a bunch of members of Jason's 40s club. Congratulations to everyone who entered, as well as everyone who won an award, because I have to say the standard was just so high and, while it was hard work, it was a pleasure to read so many varied stories. (My poor eyeballs, though!)

The end of the month is just over a week away... I hope everyone's working hard... I've made a couple more changes to the points system - mostly to reflect the work and preparation in getting ready to submit. (See this post from the wondrous Janet Reid for the perfect preparation checklist).

It's all part of the package...but...keep writing!

You bloodthirsty lot...

I'm amazed (and pleased) by the great sign up for the Koala Challenge this year. (For more details see the post below - sign up at any time until the end of this month - either in the comment trail below, or in this one, I'll check both).

For mutual support, and any necessary teasing, I'll link to you all in the side bar. Support is encouraged. Teasing is even more encouraged. If you have more than one blog, please let me know which one you would like me to link to (Iasa, for example...you have heaps of blogs!).

It's too late to enter Clarity of Night, but the entries are all up for reading - check it out here. You'll see some familiar names. I'm 180, under my secret identity. The one without claws. Burn this post after reading...

Announcing...The 2010 Koala Challenge!

Welcome to 2010 - The Year of the Submission!

This time we all start on zero and gain points by achieving certain submission and writing targets. Each point will raise you up a notch in The Koala's estimation and take you up a challenge level. The Koala will award you a badge, created by JJ de Benedictis *mwah*, to display on your blog.

One point for every short story, poem or other short fiction submission to a competition or magazine. This is one point per publication, so check out the ones that allow multiples, and race up the Koala Love charts. Your blog does not count as a submission, nor does a friend's. However, blog competitions such as Jason Evans' Clarity of Night do count as a submission. (I can see you smiling from here, PJD).

One point for submitting an article (no matter how many mags the article is submitted to).

One point for achieving The Koala's perfectly reasonable writing/editing target of 4000 words a month.

One point for each 2000 words of original writing (not editing) over and above the basic 4000.

One point for each 5000 words of editing over and above the basic 4000.

One point for beta reading a fellow writer's novel and providing feedback. (Nothing shorter than a novel is eligible for this category).

One point for completing and publishing a new author website (not amendments - this is a one-off point for the first time you put it up).

New! One point for writing a query (one-off point for each novel)

New! One point for writing your synopsis (again, a one-off point for each novel)

Big points: whatever level you are on, a novel submission takes you straight up to Koala Approves. (In Paca's case, a dissertation submission will have the same effect, see special furry rules below). While waiting for a response you must keep writing/editing/submitting short stories. Anyone sitting on their laurels drops down a stage.

However, if an agent asks you to make changes to a novel, you get to stay on Koala Approves for the duration of your editing and negotiations, provided you get those changes to him/her in time and remember your manners. Ask for an extension or moan about your potential agent and you drop down a stage.

Report in at the end of every month. The Koala tots up the points. Points cannot be held over for a following month. The Koala wants consistent effort. The Koala is always right.

Each person is allowed one month off in the year - you decide if you want a summer holiday or a Christmas break or to have a baby or get your appendix out.

January counts, and there are almost three weeks left, so get going! The Koala will put up a post at the end of the month for reporting results and will subsequently award the first badges.

Meet your current fellow contestants...

Robin
Whirl
Sarah
PJD
JJdebenedictis
Sylvia
Phoenix
Paca (special furry rules: his target is to work on and submit his dissertation, slightly different rules may apply)
Writtenwyrdd
Mother (Re)produces
Chris Eldin
Aniket
Laurel
Iasa
Angie
Janey V
mdames60
Merry
Diane. J
Catvibe

Remember to support one another in your attempts to avoid a Koala Shredding.

More sign ups expected shortly! Spread the word, all welcome!

Bad dreams

I had a dream last night that Janet Reid rejected my manuscript within an hour of receiving it. The email read: 'Form rejection'.

I may be too big a fan of Query Shark...

Challenge hint

How many of you are near submission with novels? Or at least semi-regularly submitting stories to publications/blogs/etc.?

I'm thinking 2010 - Year of the Submission. Writing too, of course - but the year to get some of it out there.

The 2010 Koala Challenge Awards

The moment you've all been waiting for...the awards to end all awards...the Koala Challenge Awards!

Best Excuse for a day off: JC Montgomery: "I'm getting married."
Worst Excuse for a day off: Blogless Troll: everything he said.

First Smackdown: Whirlochre
Best exit from a Smackdown: Whirlochre (mainly because I think he was the only one who actually completed his penalty, including, um, me)

Longest time on Smackdown: Blogless Troll
Only victim of Koala Supersmackdown: Blogless Troll

Most humiliating Smackdown: The Koala (mumble)

Most polite manipulator of the rules: Sarah (see, you hardly noticed her doing that, did you? she quietly got herself permission to enter total weekly wordage rather than daily, tut tut)
Runner up: Chris Eldin (never once posted her stats, but made sure via other means that I always knew she was writing, and thus never gave me the pleasure of punishing her)
Second runner up: Janey V (I was never quite sure what she was up to, but somehow she got herself on smackdown, out of smackdown, up and down, turned me around and now I'm all dizzy)

Best illustrator: well, duh, JJ de Benedictis (but if she sees this, she's in trouble, she's supposed to be 'on a break') - and she's a runner up for the very last award, too, the one that really matters, so read on to find out what it is...

Most diligent reporter of wordage: shared between Sarah and Sylvia (the Koala thanks you for your diligence!)

Shortest time in the challenge before requesting a break: Precie (was it five weeks or six?!)

Flakiest Challenge Commander after she got that pesky job: The Koala (sorry!)

And, finally, the one that actually means something...the award for the most consistent writer...the person who spent the longest time on 'Koala Approves' status throughout the year...the person who thus has a novel she can be proud of...the person who puts us all to shame...is....: Robin!
Runner up: JJ de Benedictis

Congratulations to Robin, may the rest of us be ashamed of ourselves and roll on 2010!

2010 challenge? What, don't you lot want a break? Yes, probably, but it will take a different form and may be more sympathetic to those with office jobs. Now I have one. Selfis? Moi? The Koala is cogitating. Quake, all ye who write.

So many songs, so little time.

Whirl kindly offered me Greg Lake on a platter. Nay, a poisoned chalice, thought I! Do not accept! Plus, it's cheesy, but I don't actually like it, so it's not my grand finale. (Although if you want a listen, it's here.)

I was beyond tempted to offer you this little gem. However, technically it's not a Christmas song, plus David Essex is so good-looking he's almost ugly, if you see what I mean. It's kind of annoying. Along with that more than sincere sincerity. And those puppy dog eyes. Oh, yes, and that song. Ick.

This is probably the Christmas song that irritates me beyond all others. Sorry, Sir Paul, but I've only just got it out of my head when, hey ho, here comes next Christmas and it's stuck in my head again for the next 11 months.

When it comes to doing good, a decent tune, a collection of 80s fashion, plus several gratuitous looks at the drummer from the Boomtown Rats, Simon Crowe, who I had a long crush on as a teen, you can't beat this one. (I challenge you to spot Simon Crowe. Here's a clue. Crowd scene. By the way, I might have risen to Whirl's cartoonish brilliance had I not been distracted by my glimpses of the handsome Simon and spent two hours combing the web for old Boomtown Rats songs..and, um, OK, photos...)

But for its perfect combination of charm, corn and Christmas spirit, I give you my Festive Song Choice for 2010...eat your heart out Mariah, I like the kid version.

Merry Christmas from Koalaland!

One of my Christmas faves

Putting aside the Boodthirsty Battle of the Bodgy Christmas Tunes just for one moment (just for a moment, Whirl. No, I didn't say it was over. Don't worry. I'll have something special for you tomorrow...) here's one of my Christmas faves.

I remember listening to this in my tiny bedroom at home, on my little blue transistor and thinking, this is just, just, just, so cool. When you consider that my previous ideas of Christmas music came courtesy of Wizzard and Slade, (see below), I think you'll understand.

I give you The Waitresses. And random italics too, apparently.

You can't keep a good marsupial down!

Why, oh, why would I post wombling nonsense when I have this little beauty up my sleeve?

The hair! The clothes! The meaningful looks!

Take that Mr Eyeball!

Another heartbreaker...

I'm having fun with my Christmas tunes here. I think I'll keep it up until Christmas.

Between Christmas and New Year look out for the Koala Challenge Awards - many of you diligent writers out there will be honoured by the koala. Of course, it helps if you actually took part in the challenge.

In the meantime, I offer you the magnificently doleful Jona Lewie, who, in cheesy announcer style, just can't stop that cavalry..

Possibly the most heart-wrenching Christmas song ever

From The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl.

Another whisky over here!

Another Christmas Classic

This song brings back so many Christmas memories it almost makes me cry.

Hard to imagine, I know, particularly with the naffest video of all time to accompany it, but I think fellow Brits may be weeping along with me.

May I present to you the wonderful Wizzard and 'I Wish it Could be Christmas Every Day'...

*sniff sniff* anyone for an over-emotional Christmas circle dance...

A little more Noddy

While making one of my usual hilarious, and yet deep, comments (yes, that's what they are...stupid and trivial - why no, I think you must be mistaking me for somebody else) on Le Blog of Whirl, I inadvertently committed the classic UK Christmas faux pas of giving Noddy Holder/Slade credit for 'I Wish it Could be Christmas Every Day', which is, of course, the wondrous work of Wizzard.

With apologies to Noddy, may I introduce you to another work of genius, the sound of Slade, with the granular Noddy at the microphone, and the Christmas sounds of my distant childhood...

McK still lives!

A relapse necessitated another slack off, but I think I'm really on the road to recovery now. Cross fingers and claws please.

I did carve out a little writing time and am tantalisingly close to being finished with the edits on WiW. At about the worst time of year - now I'm going to be gripped by the 'send before Christmas or after Christmas' question. If I get it finished by next week, I think I may send out to a couple of agents and then hang on until January for the rest.

Any thoughts or advice, koallettes?

Watch out for a end of year round up on the Koala challenge, coming soon!

The Pernickety Edit - jump in!

Great idea from SS@S - I'm posting my editing checklist here. This is the general version, if I'm writing in dialect I have a few more things I need to check, but this is the one I go through pretty much all the time. I'm more guilty of some things than others - to take the first list of non-words, for example, I don't think I ever use ''quite", but all my manuscripts are scattered with "just"!

If you have a similar list, please post it in the comments, or let me know if there is anything you think is missing, then I'll try and put together a version that combines everything. Or, if you strongly disagree with anything, I'd be interested in knowing that too. NB - some of these words and phrases are essential at times - don't take 'em out if it don't make sense or it really is the best option - on the other hand, coming up with alternatives for your own 'automatic drive' can liven up your writing - and cut literally thousands of words of unnecessary padding out of your writing.

Here goes...

Delete that and very! Strip out: really, all, big, little, small, many, some, here, a lot, just, quite, yes, no, a bit, now, maybe.

Take ‘suddenly’ out of all narrative; and ‘for a moment’ everywhere.

Waste of space: especially, however, probably, thankfully, so, of course, in fact, anyway (as a transition rather than a modifier), rather, somewhat, all too often, after all, only, obviously, usually, at least, even so, no idea, for some reason.

Beware of words that don't mean much: seem/ed to be, appear/ed to be, really, actually, keep/kept on, almost, have/had to, go and/went and, used to, finally, eventually. Use punchier verbs.

Watch for ‘something’, ‘everything’ and ‘thing’!

Delete ‘was’/’is’ ‘were’/’are’ and replace with a strong action verb.

Delete adverbs –ly – use very sparingly.

Drop parentheses and excessive ellipses (…)

Close third person - watch out for verbs that distance the POV from close third person – viewpoint intrusion - e.g. ‘hear’/’heard’, ‘see’/’saw’, ‘notice’/’noticed’, ‘look’/’looked’ – ‘feel/felt’ – ‘watch/watched’ look out for ‘could’ – it often signals these. i.e. not ‘I could see the clouds…’ but ‘The clouds…’ NB also – ‘She looked sad’ – why? Better to show this – ‘tears glinted in her eyes’ etc.

Close third person again - also watch out for ‘thought’ – it may not be necessary. Use only if confusing. Report thoughts as if in the first person – use the character’s voice/tone etc. to make it clear that they are thoughts. (e.g. whiney, if a whine!) Also: realised, decided, supposed, remembered, contemplated, mused, guessed, imagined, figured, reckoned etc. Similarly ‘wondered’ (try turning the thought into a question).

Telling instead of showing: look out for ‘like’, ‘as if’ and ‘seemed’ i.e. ‘the puppy seemed afraid’ – show it ‘the puppy quivered in his arms’

Delete ‘began’, ‘started’, ‘was starting’, ‘was beginning’, ‘going to’ unless essential – distances from the action e.g. ‘she began to do s’th’ – just have her do it!

Are all five senses in use? (colour code description according to sense to check the balance).

Go back and delete all clichés.

Look out for –ing words – e.g. is someone locking the door while sprinting? Is it possible?! Check all very carefully.

Proofread for repeated words – e.g. stop/stopped.

Delete ‘he said’ ‘she said’ as far as possible. Show who is speaking via action instead.

There was, there is, there are, there were, it was, it is are often superfluous. Toss them if you can.

F&R while and as if they make dialogue tags work overtime – e.g. Not: ‘Are you coming?’ said Jennifer as she climbed the fence, but: Jennifer swung a leg over the fence. ‘Are you coming?’

Also dialog, ‘No,’ Jim said, rather than ‘No,’ said Jim.

Watch for too many sentences starting with ‘he’/’she’/’they’ and repeated names.

F&R double spaces.

McKoala lives!

Although recovery is tedious, I have been able to drop the nanna naps in favour of reading and...tarantara...doing a pernickety edit on WiW. I'm fine as long as I pace myself. Was hoping to go back to work tomorrow, but I think working from home may have to suffice, and may also allow me to continue some work on WiW - 2000 needless words cut out and counting.

I think I've talked about the pernickety edit before. It's when I use find and replace to go through the entire manuscript and look for weasel words that just don't need to be in there. I have a loooong list of offences: phrases, words and even part words. It takes days, sometimes weeks to do this edit properly, so I leave it as close to the end of the process if I can - because if I do any major rewrites, I make myself do it again. Hoping I haven't jumped the gun this time, because two betas are still reading. However, if I make changes, I think I already know where it's going to happen, so I should be able to do a miniature pernickety edit on that section.

I might just browse round the koala victims later today to see if you are all being as virtuous as I am.

Reading: I read Stephen King's 'Under the Dome'. Hm. Slightly disappointing work from The Master this time. Has anyone else read it?

In which McK wallows in self-pity

That laryngitis I've got? Not laryngitis. Probably pneumonia. No wonder I've been feeling so dreadful.

McK's fightback against the germs has ended and she is now doing just what the dr says. Taking a few days off work, swigging the antibiotics and rest. Off for a nice nanna nap now.

See you in a few days with my 500-word escape from smackdown shame.

Ah, your little cruelnesses

Whirl advocated silence, WW advocated not eating chocolate, but as we know these things are impossible and thus deeply unfair. However, JJdB said: "Her Koalaness shall write a coherent 500 word essay on any subject provided she does not use the letter 'i'. Also, she shall hunt up three internet links that include music and someone wearing the colour orange.

His Trollishness shall write a coherent 1000 word essay on any subject provided he does not use the words 'the' or 'a' ('an' is allowed.) Also, he shall hunt up three internet links that involve cats running in to things."

Trollish wit led to a slight modification of his punishment. Goblins are suckers for blandishments, unlike Koalas. I didn't see any modification of my punishment. Rank favouritism. However, coming up soon, 500 words without an 'i'. As for music and oranges, do they really go together?

Thanks for reporting in, updating stats. Janey's off Smackdown! Yay!

And I came second in WW's contest, but I think most of you know that. Thanks to all who voted for me!

Updating the bar!

I'm chasing your results down, oh Koala fans, so watch out.

Now, here's a question. I am on Smackdown. As you know, I issue writing punishments to those who are on Smackdown. I considered giving myself some test of pain and suffering, such as eat a bar of chocolate and watch tv every night for a week, but then thought, no, unfair!

What writing punishment should The Koala have to experience?

And if I were to feel like releasing BT from Supersmackdown, what should he have to do first?

Remember, I'm watching you at all times... In particular, Whirl and Sylvia - dropped down for underreporting. Janey, still on Smackdown, although I know you're doing NaNo and suspect you've written yourself up a level by now. Report in!

Publisher's Marketplace

The late, great Miss Snark would slay me with her stiletto if she read this, but my Publisher's Marketplace membership is about to expire, and I'm thinking I may just cancel. I feel I'm not using it, other than to receive the detailed updates and, to be honest, the plain old free updates would probably be fine for me.

It's not that I don't want to be published, it's just that I want to save money and right now this just seems like a waste of it. But, before I kill the membership, am I missing something? Should I be using it in some way that I'm not? i.e. do you have a membership, do you love it, and why?!

Um, yup, must update that sidebar, but FYI, I'm still smacking myself down. Daily.

Writtenwyrdd's competition is on!

Entries went up today! Pour yourself a coffee/tea/large gin and settle in for a read. There are 21 entries in total, the longest around the 1000 word mark.

Good luck to all the entrants and happy reading to everyone else.

That Shona person

Has had a story published in Silverthought Online this month.

It's a jolly gruesome little tale. If you'd like to read it, go here and scroll down and click on the story title.

So what did I achieve...

Everything except the client stuff, oops! I was harsh and kept saying to myself, look, it's the weekend, it's the weekend, they can wait another day. Let's hope they agree with that...

Edited literally thousands of words today - it was fast, partly because I put one thorny issue aside and just churned through the rest. That means there is still a potential rewrite pending on one section of the latter stages of the book, however I thought it was time to stop procrastinating and move forward, even if it wasn't perfect. So I've now sent the whole thing off to my retired agent for a beta read. I'll wait and see what she says about that part, not to mention the rest, and, assuming (a) that she gets around to reading it and (b) the manuscript doesn't return streaked with her disgust, then maybe, just maybe, I might get it out to her pet agent and a few others before the Christmas slack off.

Now tonight's dilemma is do I jump right into editing my story for Wyrrd's contest, or slack off at Facebook, or go straight to collapse mode on the sofa?

In an editing sweet spot

Man, it feels good. Got a fire lit under me today by an agent who is no longer an agent, suggesting I send something to a contact of hers who is actively looking - they've talked about me, and she's waiting to see something...like WiW.

Um, thanks to home move, new job and, um, months of procrastination, WiW is not yet ready - or not as ready as I want it to be. So this weekend I have a few goals - complete the edit of the last section of WiW, write a leaflet for a client, get started on a web site for another client, vacuum my Floors of Grossness, get Soccer Boy to a soccer trial for the district team tomorrow (he already got through the preliminary trial and is all fired up), fulfil a promise to play with Princess and her new, late birthday present from her cousins, comfort the dog, who was roughed up by a dalmation last week and is still licking her wounds, cook food for next week when I know work will be full on and I need quick reheats or we won't eat at all, do Princess's school homework, find a friend for Soccer Boy to play with tomorrow afternoon so he doesn't annoy Princess and her already-invited friend, stop all four of them from killing one another, and, um, oh yes, DH left on a work trip today so it's just me... Fun, fun, fun!

Koala disaster!

I lost the challenge sidebar and all the links! Luckily for some, and unluckily for others, I had just completed a check of, um, most of you. If I missed you, please let me know. And, not to worry BT, I remembered exactly where you were...

I'll gussy it up another day. Right now, I'm off to hang up the washing, and then...do some writing! Watch this space for some actual wordage bragging shortly.

Updated to add...bragging. Sat down to write 500 words for Writtenwyrrd's contest and came up with...1493. Heh heh. I'm guessing that's too much, but, hey, I'm back in the saddle! Now all I need is another idea that will only come to 500 words...

By the way, am listening to Empire of the Sun. Awesome stuff. Takes me right back to the 80s. David Sylvian eat your heart out.

A warning

Just wanted to let you know I'll be writing tomorrow. Hope you will be too. I'll be checking up on you...

Aw, missing you too!

Things are coming together with the house - only one room left to unpack and we're hoping to do that this weekend. Months of re-organisation will follow, no doubt, but at least we'll be waving bye-bye to the boxes soon.

In other news, I'm loving the job - so much to learn, so much to do, believe it or not, it's fun! My colleague and I unearthed a hidden treasure trove of company-branded polo shirts yesterday, so as of next week we're banishing the horrors of high heels and skirts and turning up in uniform - company shirt and jeans. Ah, bliss. The kids aren't so happy, though, seeing Mummy trot off to work in the school hols. Thanks to Daddy and Grandma they're being looked after, but apparently it's just not the same. Soccer Boy actually cried when I went to work yesterday - heartbreaking!

In writing...yes, well, um. That's all I have to say about that. When I resume checks I think I'll be taking the Deadly Drop myself. Anybody else need to join me? We'll find out soon - watch out for checks in the next week or two, once school is back in and I claim a little time back. Update those figures now!

I do have writing plans, though. I really want to get WiW to agents before the Christmas slump, which means I need to rewrite the ending like, um, now. Hoping to dive into it next week!

Still knee-deep in boxes!

And I started work - did I mention that? I managed to find a part-time marketing job, locally, so I can do three days a week and with the help of Grandma and Mr Koala minimise the impact on the little koalas. So I'm learning my way around a new house and a new job all at the same time, there's nothing like a little challenge. I'll probably be dropping in and out for the next couple of weeks while I master the new schedules, but if any one in the challenge attempts to take advantage of that...snarl...

We're in!

Totally shattered, knackered and splattered, but we're in. Only a couple of branches have their twigs lined up in the right order, the rest is chaos. But it's a fabulous eucalypt with so much space and we just love it. More another time, just skimming around a few places tonight before crashing out and sleeping the sleep of the utterly exhausted.

Headache, neckache, chaosache!

If I said to you, tidy your room and hang everything up, you would understand what I meant, right?

Princess tidied her room and hung everything up. Hung. Everything. Up.

Poor teddy.

Eucalypt move imminent!

This week, in fact. So I'm deep in admin and oven cleaning. Noice. I'm also critiquing a manuscript (you know who you are) and I'm almost done with that and hope to get it sent back before the move. It's good, by the way.

If I have time I'll check the koala stats tomorrow. In the meantime, here's a little Princess story.

A couple of weeks ago we went en famille to a historic site on Sydney harbour. We joined a guided tour of a series of old buildings, as part of a fairly large group of people. As we wandered in and out of the buildings, Princess swiftly abandoned us for the far more interesting company of the tour guide and before we knew it she was pretty much at the front of the group, chitter chattering away to the poor guide and generally leading the way. The guide, a young woman, didn't seem perturbed, so we let Princess get on with it and trailed along at the back of the group, trying to persuade Soccer Boy that this really was an interesting experience.

As we peered dutifully around an ancient kitchen (look, Soccer Boy, imagine cooking on that old oven! look, Mum, rat droppings in the sink!) we became aware of laughter outside, where the main part of the group had proceeded. Eventually, as the laughter grew louder, we made our way outside. There was a spectacular view of Sydney harbour just outside this building and the tour group was lined up like a bus load of Japanese tourists, cameras at the ready. Nobody was actually taking photos, though, they were all too busy laughing. Because Princess, having detached herself from the tour guide, thought she knew what they really wanted photos of. What? Princess, of course! So there she was, standing in the front of this spectacular view, obligingly striking a series of her favourite fashion poses, hands on hip, pouty lips, the whole lot. After rugby tackling her out of the viewfinders I asked her what she thought she was doing. 'I thought they would like a photo of me.' Of course. Silly me. Why didn't I think of that. With all of Sydney harbour spread out before you, who wouldn't want a photo of a strange six-year old child?

Koala stats updated!

Some leeway given to some of you; none at all to others. Unfair? Well, who's the one not writing, then?

Note new status, Koala Supersmackdown, applied under special circumstances, namely to those who have been on Smackdown for quite some time and then dare to sass the one and only Vicious Koala of Benevolence. Note the lack of image. I'd ask JJdeGoblin to create one, but I fear it would be so bloody and awful and involve so many Troll guts that she would faint at her drawing table, so, please, use your imaginations. And then wash them thoroughly with soap afterwards.

I am proud of many of you for your diligence! I may have to think of Koala Awards for the end of the year, but let's see if you can keep it up and stay away from the bloody fate of....Supersmackdown!

*unsheathes claws*

Thank you so much for the kind messages re. the house sale! You would have given me the warm and fuzzies if I weren't so warm and fuzzy already.

But now...back to business...I'll be checking your stats soon...probably tomorrow...my time...you have been warned...

updated to add...today has been unexpectedly manic so enjoy 24 more hours to make up those numbers...

Sold!

Need I say more?

(The house, not the book!)

The torture continues...

...cooling off was extended, because buyers had not got formal approval of their finance. We didn't have much choice, but torture! Now have to wait until at least Wednesday, possibly Friday. Sooooo frustrating. What's more I didn't get that perfect job, snarl. Turns out there was somebody even more perfect out there, tarnation. So Friday was not quite the best day ever. However, we had a pretty good weekend and tomorrow is another day...

Jittery skittery

So much to do...so much to obsess about...and the two, of course, are mutually exclusive. As some of you pointed out in the comments on my last post, this five day cooling off period is killing me! Every time the phone rings, I think, they're pulling out. The surveyor came yesterday and I dogged the poor man's footsteps. 'Found anything yet? You're spending a long time there, nothing wrong is there? OMG, what's that?!' In the end, of course, he found only one major thing, which is the one we've lived with for five years and will fix if the buyers ask us to - on the other hand, they may just choose to live with it too.

And as for the job...yup, still waiting...torture, torture, torture.

In the meantime, it is left to Princess to provide you with amusement. Last night she woke up with a nose bleed. She chose not to rush to Mummy and Daddy to let them know, she chose to take care of it 'all by me self'. Which meant, instead of walking along the short corridor to our room and a waiting box of tissues, she took the long walk along the other corridor to the little loo for a roll of toilet paper. She showed me this morning how she'd cupped her hands to catch the blood, and the unfortunate little gap between them that she couldn't quite close. The toilet paper being judged inadequate, she walked back along the corridor, tottered down the stairs, still with her little cupped hands, and then realised she couldn't open the door to the family room, because she didn't want to get it all bloody from her hands. Thoughtful. So, instead, she took the long way round, through the formal lounge and dining room, still with her little cupped hands and quite the pool of blood in there by this time, and opened the sliding door with her foot. At which point she finally found a box of tissues that she felt met her requirements. She mopped up her nose, washed her hands. Then she went back to bed.

It was such a lovely surprise for Mummy and Daddy in the morning. A bloody trail leading throughout our home, along the corridor and back, weaving down the stairs, dribbling over all the white carpets...drips, handprints, footprints, the lot. It looks like a murder scene. (Princess was lucky that it didn't turn into one). And it's been a busy day of scrubbing for me.

Exchanged on the eucalypt today!

Accepted an offer on Wednesday and signed the contracts this morning. Only a five-day cooling off lies between us and a successful sale! Fingers crossed until 5pm next Friday, please (aussie time). Yes, it is possible to type with fingers crossed. I'm doing it right now.

Blitzed through the little practical test for the job. Waiting to hear, but, honeys, it's all good stuff and I'm feeling cool. A good week so far!

Through to the next stage!

Yippee! I love SEO!

I (cheekily) asked and found out they only interviewed three people out of 60 applicants. I didn't (cheekily) ask how many were going forward out of those three - I only care that one of them is me!

This stage is a 'practical', which is interesting. Given the length of time I've been working in this industry I've never really been asked to do this - people usually go by your portfolio. However, I'm a big believer in it myself, having worked with some junior writers who it turned out couldn't actually write. You see, with a copy portfolio, you never know who might have edited a piece of work before it was printed - and how appalling the copywriter's starting point actually was. So, I have no issue with putting my money where my mouth is and writing a test piece.

Awaiting the details and ready to get my head down and get it back by Friday. A perfectly fair deadline (if he's right about the size of the task).

Soooo glad I'm not sick this week!

Any SEO experts out there?

The potential multiple eucalypt situation has me scouring the job ads. Full time bondage is demanded by Mr Koala.

I'm interviewing for a job as a copywriter for a SEO company. I'd love to get it; they operate from home offices, so basically I'd be able to continue working in the way I do now - except full time and with the work guaranteed and fewer admin hassles. I've written copy for a few optimised web sites, so I have some basic knowledge of what's involved.

Is anyone deeper into this than I am? Got any great tips or buzzwords or new developments I might be able to bring up in my interview?!

All done

Ah, the smugness.

Betas - be ready

Hurtling towards the end of the first phase of editing The Woman in the Wall - thanks to Soccer Boy's evil germs. They robbed me of the ability to speak, which meant I couldn't do any work over the phone, which meant I had to adjust some of my deadlines - giving me some breathing space to get stuck into the editing. I'm really loving this story - let's hope I'm not the only one...

I'm well into the last third of the manuscript now, with a little bit of restructuring to be done. I'm correcting minor things as I come across them, but not being too pernickety as yet. That's at a late stage for me. So my poor betas will get a bit of a warts and all version, but as some of you know, that's not usually too awful in my case, seeing as I spend a lot of my daily life picking warts off other people's writing. Nonetheless, I am deeply imperfect and it's so hard to proofread your own stuff! Logic, in particular, often trips me up, although I'm pretty fast to spot it elsewhere. It's called being too close to your own work...

Updating the koala stats shortly, get the wordage in!

Princess got there before me

Struggling under the onslaught of evil germs that Soccer Boy has unleashed upon me, I reached for my one source of solace - a nice box of tissues. Only to discover that every single one had been wrapped in another one, tied in the shape of a paper doll and put back in the box. Every single one.

*Will be checking Koala stats next week, by the way. Too busy using my manuscript to blow my nose at the moment. AKA deleting text by using the Booger Technique.*

A staccato serenade

Eucalypt remains unsold. Ooops. Looks like we may become a two-eucalypt family. An utterly cash-free, two-eucalypt family.

An ominous throbbing deep in my throat suggests that I am in the early stages of the fancy virus Soccer Boy succumbed to last week - fancy, because it was One With a Name, as opposed to 'cold'/'flu' (no it wasn't the curly-tailed variety, it was fancier than that, trust Soccer Boy not to get the virus that's actually going around, but something nobody else in the area has - except me, apparently.)

Princess took three toys in for News last week. One of her questions was: what are their names? These toys have no names, but, as ever, Princess was ready:
Holds up toy one: Sally
Holds up toy two: Gaga
Holds up toy three: Stupidhead
Everybody laughed, she reported (as did the many members of the Princess Posse who also regaled me with the tale, just in case she hadn't). I muttered things about her language and getting into trouble with the teacher. Oh, no, says Princess, no trouble with the teacher. Apparently she was laughing louder than anyone.

Um, that's it really. Good weekend otherwise, apart from the eucalypt thing. Some writing even.

Tata.